It would have been our sons second birthday today if he had made it past 36 hours old. My husband was at work, but i went into town with mum to buy a cake and candles. Then we went to the cemetery to take some flowers for Grandma, Great Grandad and Great Grandma. Mum said she thinks about her grandson there because he has no marker of his own, so the flowers were for him too.
We chose not to have a grave marker because we don't believe it's important. Similarly we mark his birthday with something symbolic, but we miss him no more or less on this day than any other. We feel the son-shaped hole in our lives every single day in many different ways, but it is nice to have a day, which is his special day, i guess.
So when my husband comes home from snooker we are going to put two candles in the cake i bought and take pictures and then blow them out and enjoy a nice cup of tea and slice of cake.
My husband hasn't mentioned anything about it being our son's birthday, and he's all business as usual. I suppose that's nice. I know he will give it thought in his own way.
I often wonder how different our lives would be if he was still with us. It probably sounds quite weird to some, but i like to see videos and pictures of my friends children who were all born the same month as him. They always make me cry, but it's like i am getting to know what MY child is doing in heaven, or in a parallel universe where he is still with an insanely happy version of my husband and i. It's comforting. Watching them grow up is like watching him grow up.
Happy birthday my boy!
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