29 weeks 2 days

Today marks the last day of the 31 for 21 Down Syndrome Awareness blogging thing. I know i haven't wrote about Down Syndrome really, but i am hoping that at least my efforts to join in and make sure i post every day show support to the cause.

Love to Dylan. xx

29 weeks 1 day

Oh my, i have been feeling blue today. Not really down, and not about anything in particular, but just blue. You know you have those days where you just feel a little low.

Then i went and watched The Colour Purple. WHY? My mind was too fragile to be watching that film! I was crying and crying and crying. My face looked like the back end of a babboon in heat by the time i'd finished!! I planned to go to the supermarket afterwards, but had to wait about an hour and a half for the swelling to go down.

Bloody hormones!!

29 weeks

I can't believe i am 29 weeks pregnant! In some ways i feel more pregnant than that and in some ways far less. It's very odd. There's no mistaking my belly and my line has made a reappearance (linea nigra).

I'm not getting great sleep on a night though. Last night i was awake even more than the previous night. I wake up to turn over, get another pillow, loose the pillow, take some Rennies, have a drink or go to the loo. LOL! It's a bloody good job i'm at home all day to catch up on sleep!!

I've not been having many bad thoughts recently - hope i haven't 'spoke' too soon about that. I definitely think that getting the dates of my losses out of the way has helped a lot. It's not that i don't think about it now, but more like i don't dwell on it if you know what i mean.

My blood sugars are still great, but being diabetic still sucks badgers balls. I really, really, really hope i don't get type 2 later on cause it's CRAP! And i'm only borderline so i can still eat some bad stuff.

28 weeks 6 days

Urgh! I have a headache today. :o( I kept waking up every hour from about 2am with a really dry mouth and a banging head. When i got up for good at 7am it was still there. I had a cup of tea and it didn't go, so i had a full-caff coffee and it didn't go. So... i took two paracetamol's. I feel a bit guilty, but i know that i will be fine otherwise i wouldn't have risked it just for a headache. They made me feel better too, which was great. Still not 100% though.

I was supposed to go on a day trip with friends today, but i had to cancel. Hopefully i won't feel the same tomorrow and i'll be able to go then.

The shower hasn't been reconnected after we had our new boiler fitted so i can't rinse my hair. I have to wash it and put conditioner on and then rush to mum and dads to rinse. It's a pain in the arse. My hair is really greasy right now, but my head hurts too much to wash it. But, if i'm going out tomorrow i can't leave the house with it in this state. So i'm going to have to wash it tonight and go to mum and dads to rinse. Oh the trials and tribulations!!

28 weeks 5 days

My pubic bone is hurting more. It clicks a lot, especially in a morning. It's not too painful yet though - not PSD painful.

We bumped into an old friend today in town. It was nice to see him again and i hope he calls round for a brew at some point. It always leaves me feeling guilty when we see old friends though, because i never feel like we did enough to stay in touch with them. I know we all have our lives that have moved on, but it's such a shame cause we were all so close with each other.

I said to my fella though that it must be something to do with our losses. Usually a couple would get pregnant and slow down socially while pregnant and then for a few months after the birth, but then they would get back into the swing of going out again and seeing people. We have had three years of being pregnant followed by grieving followed by being pregnant followed by grieving followed by being pregnant.

Plus, i suppose we've all changed. Some of us have families and some are still doing what we were doing before we decided to have a family. I guess, too, that it's not just up to me to contact our friends, but they could have contacted us too. Perhaps they have guilt trips too. LOL!

28 weeks 4 days

I've been researching the effect of gestational diabetes on lung maturation in the fetus. It seems that the opinions on that are varied, but it wouldn't hurt to ask for an amniocentesis before they deliver me. I guess i'm going to have to wait as long as i can bear to, in order to ensure the best health for this little one. Some sources say that gestational diabetes slows down lung maturation and whilst usually the lungs mature by 34/35 weeks, in diabetic pregnancies they recommend a wait until 38.5 weeks. I am managing my diabetes well though and my sugars seem fine.

My original consultant talked about delivering after 28 weeks, but i don't have him anymore. I thought at the beginning of this pregnancy that we would take the baby at 35 weeks. Then when i spoke to my consultant that i had in my first trimester she explained that i would be able to deliver at 37 weeks. Now the diabetic consultant stresses how important it is to wait until as close to 39 weeks as we can.

I have mixed feelings about this. Of course the MOST important thing to me is that this baby is living and healthy. I just don't know what to think. Past experience has taught me that my body isn't the healthiest environment for a baby, which means that there is always a part of me every day screaming "get it out now while it's still alive!!" On the other hand, i've been scanned a ton and told by different consultants that this is a low risk, healthy pregnancy. Usually in that case, the best place for baby is inside mum for as long as possible.

My head is in tatters if i dwell too long on the options. If we take the baby too early because i am a paranoid wreck and then something happens because of that i'd never forgive myself. But, what if i choose to carry the baby for longer, thinking i'm doing the right thing and s/he dies before we can make delivery? Urgh! My brain hurts thinking about this, not to mention my heart.

Why do we have to think about things like this? It seems like no one else has to worry about anything more complex than nursery colours and feeding methods. I'll say it again for the umpteenth time, and i'm sure it won't be the last - it's not fair.

28 weeks 3 days

I'm all excited because i'm going to Tropical World next week. My friend and her two kids are coming with me too so it should be nice. It's a really great place!!

Baby is fine. Been moderately busy today, which is cool.

We went to see Ghost Town last night at the cinema and it was hilarious!! Ricky Gervais was brilliant in it and we were all laughing out loud in the cinema. Great filum.

28 weeks 2 days

Life is so incredibly unfair. Today was the day my sister in law and her husband found out that their one shot chance at IVF had not worked. They transferred the only two embryos that took two weeks ago, so they don't have anything left over and frozen to do a second cycle with. They can't afford to pay for another cycle and the shitty NHS won't pay.

This shit sucks.

I am out of words.

28 weeks 1 day

Our growth scan was great today! The baby is measuring well for dates and i have plenty of fluid going on. The head measurement was bang on average, the thigh bone measurement was bang on average and the abdomen was BIG! LOL! Still well within normal ranges, but it means we're going to be having a tubber. I could have guessed that though cause our first was 8lb 12oz, so not small.

They estimated the baby's weight to be currently at 2lb 12oz. I have put on a couple of kilos since my last appointment 3 weeks ago, but it's still well within the okay range and the midwife said it's probably because the baby has had a growth spurt. I was 73 kilos, which is 11.5 stone. That makes sense cause i had all my clothes and shoes on and when i weigh myself nekkid at home i'm 11 stone 3.

We spoke about delivery and the consultant said that since everything looks great they will play it by ear with my delivery, but would like to see me go to 38 or 39 weeks. She explained that the baby is four times more likely to require ventilation at 37 weeks and this halves by 38 and halves again by 39 weeks. I completely understand that and the last thing i want is for anything to happen to this baby because i was impatient to get it out of me. I want the baby to be able to leave the hospital when i do. I told her that my reasons for wanting to go earlier are completely selfish and i will do whatever is best for this baby.

She did reassure me that i could go in to be put on the monitor anytime i felt i needed or wanted to. They will keep on scanning me and looking at the placenta and if there is any sign of things changing they will be on it right away. She said that they wouldn't sacrifice my mental health for a later delivery either, if i was going insane with the wait. She was nice, but firm. I liked her.

My sugar levels were all fine, blood pressure was low as usual and nothing in my urine.

A success! :o)

28 weeks

Third trimester!!!

WOOOOT!!!!

Home run now baby!

I'm going to the hospital tomorrow for a growth scan. Here'[s to hoping that things are still okay.

::crosses everything::

28 weeks

Third trimester!!!

WOOOOT!!!!

Home run now baby!

I'm going to the hospital tomorrow for a growth scan. Here'[s to hoping that things are still okay.

::crosses everything::

27 weeks 6 days

I'm getting backache! I get it when i walk too far and i get it when i sit for too long - i can't win! I've tried sitting with a pillow for lumbar support too, but it's just not working.

The baby's kicks are starting to be a bit painful now too. It's started to push out of both sides of the belly at the same time and is cutting some crazy shapes in there!

Tomorrow i hit the third trimester and the home run. Dear Lord let me make it all the way, please!!!

27 weeks 5 days

Almost to the third trimester now. Some books say it started at 26 weeks, some say 27. I figure if i wait til 28 weeks then i'll know i'm definitely there. Ten weeks left til my c-section though! EEEP!!!

My pubic bone keeps on cracking and it feels weird - kind of painful and satisfying at the same time. I am getting quite weary too. Don't seem to be able to walk far without my back aching and my vag feeling all throbby and not in a nice way. The baby seems pretty happy though and that's all that matters.

I love this baby now. ::sigh::

27 weeks 4 days

If i get the delivery date i want it will be exactly ten weeks until my c-section come tomorrow!! All being well of course. The baby was really confusing the guinea pigs today. I had them on my lap for cuddles and the baby was kicking them. Ha ha!

I've still only put on 10lbs so far. I will likely get weighed at my next diabetic appointment on 30th, so i am sure they will inform me if i am not putting enough on. I am certain it's because i had weight to spare to begin with.

Sunday dinner was nice. We went to a pub nearby with a couple of friends and it was a nice afternoon. They also let me take photographs of them, which was great! It was just a shame because the lighting was pretty crap with the day being cloudy and overcast.

27 weeks 3 days

I'm going to be taking photographs of a couple we know tomorrow and i'm really looking forward to it! I haven't practiced my photography in ages and it's nice to have willing subjects. Plus they are great together, so i am certain i should get some great photographs out of the session. I just hope that the weather stays nice tomorrow. Let me check the forecast... Phew! It just says cloudy - well, a picture of a white cloud. At least it doesn't say rain!

I'm going to start a blog for my photography, and i'm going to name it after myself. I'm past caring if anyone knows who i am anymore. I doubt very much that if one of my friends or family stumbled across this blog they would NOT know it is me.

My belly is doing well today. Moving great and getting bigger all the time! My books say that i should have gained about 20lbs so far, but i have gained 10lbs. Not that i'm complaining. I know i'm a healthy weight and my gain is within what it should be. It's just because i was just over the BMI band into "slightly overweight" before i got pregnant, so i had a bit to spare to begin with. I had a BMI of 26 or something.

I am going to have to do something about my guinea pigs. I don;t know if it's pregnancy nose or not, but i can smell them all the time and they stink!! I have switched to fleece bedding, which is so much better than sawdust! It means they're not kicking sawdust all over the floor, and also i just sweep up their poops a few times a day so they're not rotting in the cage for days at a time. I need to do something to reduce our rubbish too cause mum says the council are reducing our waste collections to once per fortnight soon! Anyway, my husband can't smell what i'm smelling, but it's driving me crackers, so i need to do something to sort it, even if it's only a temporary measure.

27 weeks 2 days

Tuesday 17th October 2006 was the worst day of my life. Our son was dying and it was the day we decided we had to let him go.

The previous day i had woken up in the early hours with a massive haemorrhage and delivered him by crash c-section. He weighed 8lb 12oz, but had to be whisked away to special care and received blood transfusions right away. The haemorrhage wasn't my blood you see, it was his. I'd been sitting on a time bomb of a little-known condition called Vasa Praevia - IVPF / UKVP. When i bled it wasn't my blood i was loosing, it was his. When my membranes broke, so did the fetal blood vessels that were running through the membranes just on the inside of my cervix. It was undiagnosed, so he didn't stand a chance. If i had been prenatally diagnosed he would have been delivered at 35 weeks and would still be here today.

Yesterday was his birthday. DH and i bought a cake and some candles and had a slice to eat before we went to bed. We never let the occasion pass without doing something symbolic to mark it, but to us his birthday is no more or less painful than any other day. Our little boy is not with us and we feel it every day, in many different ways.

At two years old he would be walking and talking and causing me to tear out my hair no doubt. He would be at that cute stage where everything is wonderful to him - the stage that dads in particular look forward to.

It's been 868 days since we started trying for a family and we had no idea it would be this hard to achieve. When we started we considered infertility and miscarriages, but we never dreamed that something like this would happen to us. You just never expect to be the one that everyone hears about and feels sorry for. It's a cliche, but sometimes it really does feel like a nightmare that you can't wake up from. Everyone has those dreams when they're pregnant - the ones where you loose the baby. Then you wake up and you still feel that pain inside, that deep hurt because your baby has gone. It takes a moment or two to realise that it was just a dream. Maybe your baby kicks you to remind you that s/he's still there and then the relief comes crashing in. A respite! You might feel so affected by the dream that you weep with thanks that it's not true. That doesn't happen for me. I wake up, knowing that it's not a dream. No relief is coming for us.

Two years ago today we made the heartbreaking decision to take our son off the life support machine and let him die. He had already been brought round from heart failure and we knew that with the amount of blood he had lost and the seizures he had suffered, even if he did survive his quality of life would be severely reduced. His organs were all failing and the heart failure was his body telling us that he couldn't go on.

We sat waiting as the special care staff removed the wires and tubes from his body. They picked him up from the table and handed him to me. This was the first time i had held my son and it wasn't how i had imagined for those nine months. No wet screaming bundle to hold to my breast. Our boy, the fighter who couldn't fight any longer. We carried him to a special room set aside for grieving parents and spent time with him. We held him and cried for him and not long after we got there, as my husband was holding him, he made a little sound - the only sound we had ever heard him make - and we think that's when he passed.

Life is so precious. We miss you so so much little man.

27 weeks 1 day

It would have been our sons second birthday today if he had made it past 36 hours old. My husband was at work, but i went into town with mum to buy a cake and candles. Then we went to the cemetery to take some flowers for Grandma, Great Grandad and Great Grandma. Mum said she thinks about her grandson there because he has no marker of his own, so the flowers were for him too.

We chose not to have a grave marker because we don't believe it's important. Similarly we mark his birthday with something symbolic, but we miss him no more or less on this day than any other. We feel the son-shaped hole in our lives every single day in many different ways, but it is nice to have a day, which is his special day, i guess.

So when my husband comes home from snooker we are going to put two candles in the cake i bought and take pictures and then blow them out and enjoy a nice cup of tea and slice of cake.

My husband hasn't mentioned anything about it being our son's birthday, and he's all business as usual. I suppose that's nice. I know he will give it thought in his own way.

I often wonder how different our lives would be if he was still with us. It probably sounds quite weird to some, but i like to see videos and pictures of my friends children who were all born the same month as him. They always make me cry, but it's like i am getting to know what MY child is doing in heaven, or in a parallel universe where he is still with an insanely happy version of my husband and i. It's comforting. Watching them grow up is like watching him grow up.

Happy birthday my boy!

27 weeks

I love the lady at Tesco who asked me if i wanted a credit card. I'll tell you why...

She collared me on the way out and asked me questions about the card to which i replied that we did used to have a Tesco credit card and it was great collecting clubcard points, but i was unimpressed with Customer Services, so i switched. She noticed my belly and asked when i was due and if this was my first baby. I replied, as i usually do, that i was due in December and it's our third baby, but unfortunately the other two didn't make it. We chatted a little more about being excited and how long i had left and then she asked a question about our previous babies!

What a wonderful change! All she said was "so did you go full term with your first baby or...?" I replied that he was born full term and that our daughter went to 6 months. She told me about her cousin whose baby died at full term too. It was such a refreshing change to have someone ask a question, rather than clam up, look uncomfortable and change the subject.

I don't blame people when they don't know what to say of course - they don't realise they're making me feel like a leper and Lord knows i probably would have acted the same way a few years back. It's just nice, you know?

Today is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. I went into work to sell ribbons in support and most people bought them, which was nice. It was good to pop into work and see everyone, but it reminded me of how glad i was to be at home most of the time! Ha ha! I wonder if the novelty will ever wear off...?

26 weeks 6 days

Tonight i watched Thelma & Louise for the first time ever. It was great!! I was loving the high rise jeans! There are so many films i haven't seen that i really need to catch up on.

The baby kept jumping at the loud noises on the film, it kept making me jump. He he!

I'm turning into a bit of a mardy bitch. I've been noticeably snappy and morngey and it's wearing me down. My poor husband must have the patience of a saint because he doesn't mention it (to me).

26 weeks 5 days

I went to bed last night and the baby wasn't as active as usual, so i held my breath between each kick, thinking that another one wasn't going to happen. Then i woke up this morning and the baby didn't kick at all. I got up, made breakfast, checked out the message boards for a while and still no kicks. Then all of a sudden, an hour after i woke up the baby did a big kick...

...and i burst into hysterical tears of relief!

It shouldn't be like this, it's not fair. I know i keep on harping on about what is fair and what is not, but it ISN'T fair that this has been ruined for us. Anyone else gets pregnant, is cautious for the first twelve weeks and then gets excited and starts buying up every baby shop in town, their parents come with gifts for the baby, they have a baby shower, decorate the nursery and everything else. I am fed up of being too scared to even allow myself too many daydreams about what it will be like once baby is here. I haven't made any plans or pictured what it will be like bringing baby home because i daren't. I'm too scared to even talk about the baby in a definite future tense. Instead i litter conversations about the future with words like "hopefully" and "God willing" and "if we're lucky" and i'm constantly touching wood. I don't want to be so terrified anymore!

I'm even fed up of hearing my own internal whine about how unfair it all is. I'm not usually a petulant person, i swear. I understand that things aren't easy for everyone and there are far, far more people out there with far worse problems than us. I do need to remember this, i know.

26 weeks 4 days

I worked out that if i have my c-section on 29th December i only have 78 days left!!! OMG!!

So i really need to get a move on with the nursery and everything. I've started looking at packing the baby's bag and mine has been packed for ages. I've re-opened it though to include more stuff like breast pads etc. I've also put my button down nighties in there for when i'm (hopefully) breastfeeding.

Aaaah!!! I daren't even begin to imagine that this might actually happen! Would it be wrong of me to get too excited? Would it matter if i did? Would i be even more upset if we loose this baby just because i allowed myself to get excited?

GAH! Why can't this be straightforward for us? It's not fair.

26 weeks 3 days

Okay, so i'm not as pissed off about work as i was yesterday. I was having a bit of a moment i think. Got to love these raging hormones!!

The baby should weigh about 2lb by now, which is a fab weight! I can certainly tell i'm carting a person round with me now! LOL!

On the boobie front i keep on getting sharp shooting pains there. I remember them from my previous pregnancies, so it's obviously something to do with getting ready to lactate, but it hurts!! Sometimes they take my breath away!

26 weeks 2 days

Will work never leave me alone? I am such a fucking mug. I agreed to do some work at home right up until Christmas because it's not a huge load of work to do, it doesn't have to be done every day and the company need me to do it so that i can take an exam in November and help them get accredited. I felt like i owed them because they let me go on maternity leave early, but now i'm regretting it. It's like i've finished work, but i'm still tied to it, so i can't completely get free. I have to worry about a sodding EXAM for fucks sake! In November!!! I don't want to do it! Why am i such a pushover? My husband usually gives the worst advice when i complain about work, which always comes in the form of "just tell them to fuck off!" I think this time he would be right.

I feel like i have to be eternally grateful to them because i have a company car, which they let me keep while i'm on maternity leave. Plus, i've been off and on maternity leave a few times and they've let me come back to decent jobs. But on saying that stuff, i have earned the car and i know a shit load about the company, so i deserve to get the good jobs! It's not like they give me responsibility when they shouldn't! I get no pension, only 20 days holiday, no bonus and a below average basic wage. I OWE THEM NOTHING!!

Sigh.

I know what i'll do though. I'll keep my mouth shut, continue doing this extra work while i'm on maternity and i'll go into the exam stressing about it, because that's who i am. Mug.

Thinking about this has put me on a right downer. I wish wish wish i'd never said "You can ring me" or "just email me of you need anything" or "sure i'll carry on with this job."

I'm going to see what crap i've Sky plussed that might cheer me up and help me to forget.

26 weeks 1 day

It was my follow up appointment at the diabetic clinic today and all was well. They are happy with my blood sugars and say that i should continue as i am and they will see me again in a few weeks, on the 30th. I got my blood drawn to check for the long term view of how my body has been dealing with sugar over the past 3 months.

All the usual midwife checks were done - urine, blood pressure, belly measurement etc. My urine was clear, BP was 85/60 and my belly measures 27cm, which is equal to 27 weeks. So i'm bigger than i should be, but not by enough to be concerned about. I've put on 0.3 kilos since last week, which is also not a bad weight gain - it's hardly anything!

So i cancelled my standard midwife appointment that was due tomorrow because there was no need to get all those check done two days in a row. I'm at a growth scan in two weeks as well, so i won't need to go to any standard midwife appointments for a while.

26 weeks

I have only been to this point in a pregnancy once before.

My belly is getting pretty huge still and i'm groaning more when i move, stand, sit etc. It's all good though. I'm loving every less than comfortable second of it!

I feel happiest when i wake in the morning knowing that i have no responsibilities and no obligations and i feel the baby move for the first time that day. I smile so big inside! I have no pressure to do anything except take care of myself and this baby and i have all the time i need to daydream and fuss and worry to my hearts content without feeling like i should be concentrating on something else. It's wonderful!

My baby is my life and i wouldn't have it any other way.

25 weeks 6 days

The baby is kicking like mad right now!! Mum was super-cute and patient with me as i got my belly out tonight and asked everyone to watch it until it moved. The hubby usually gives me ten seconds of attention and then his eyes wander back to the TV. Ha!

We had dinner at my sister and her boyfriends place tonight and it was delish! I am sooo stuffed though now and we're not used to eating so late, so i just know that as soon as i lay down in bed i am going to end up with the worst heartburn!! I think i'll prop myself up to sleep.

The husband and i were discussing having kids tonight in general and i said "If we loose this one too shall we just take the hint and not bother with kids? We could have a fabulous house filled with tons of nice stuff and go on great holidays every year!" I wish it were as easy to just flick the family switch off as forcefully as it flicked itself on! It would be nice to think that we could go back to having the mindset of a 21 year old (us as 21 year olds) and not want this so badly. Then maybe it won't hurt so much when it all goes tits up again.

25 weeks 5 days

Today i mooned in the face of bad luck!

After looking at bathroom suites on Sunday the hubby and i almost went into the city to shop for babygrows, but he sowed the seed of doubt into my mind with a sharp intake of breath through pursed lips in response to my innocent suggestion.

While i was in town today i called into Woolies and looked a baby stuff. I came out with a pack of plain white vests and some green and brown long sleeved vests as well. To make it doubly plain i was indignant against the forces of bad luck, i took the items out of the packaging and threw out the receipt!!

We needed some stuff for the baby's hospital bag and i needed to buy something, anything. Now it's out of my system.

On the subject of Down Syndrome, i saw a cool graphic today that said "My kid has more chromosomes than yours!"

25 weeks 4 days

I am pretty much alone in this. I mean, i have people who care about me and the baby and i always have those that i can lean on and who will be there for us, but for the most part i am alone with this.

My husband today, in passing, mentioned that he doesn't think he's suffering stress because (amongst other things) he doesn't think about our situation unless i'm there with him. Our parents, although i am undoubtedly sure that they worry an inordinate amount, they're not doing this for us. It's not even my husband who's doing this, it's me. All me.

Everyone else can separate themselves from this at some point during the day. This pregnancy is my whole life. As soon as i wake up i wonder why s/he's not moving because i'm sure that it normally moves on a morning. Then i get up and potter about getting ready and think about last time when i got up and pottered about as normal and the whole time our daughter was dead inside me and i didn't know. My whole day is punctuated with moments of abject misery because i'm convinced that the baby has died, followed by moments of uplifting joy because the baby is moving and for that moment i can be certain that s/he is living. And this is every. single. day.... every day. all day.

Please don't get me wrong and think that i am not acknowledging the feelings of my husband, or our parents. I know for a fact that they each find this hard in their own ways and i know that they have all had difficulties that are certainly not any easier than mine simply because they're not carrying this baby. All i'm saying is that they can step away for even just a moment and think about something else. This baby is inside me and it doesn't let me forget abot how fragile this all is for even a second.

Sometimes i feel like all the emotions in my mind are too much, but i know that no amount of screaming or frantic dancing about would be enough to express or release any of it. So all i have to do is take some time to be calm and acknowledge that there's no point in crying, screaming or raving. If i take a moment it all seems overwhelming for a little while, but then it eases again and fades into the background.

25 weeks 3 days

I think the diabetes thing may have been a fluke... My levels have been pretty low constantly. The only time they were highish was yesterday when i ate a pasty, gingerbread man and a big double chocolate cookie for my lunch, followed by 4 small cookies and a glass of whole milk for a snack. It was 6.6 before my evening meal then, but by 2 hours after my evening meal it was 4 point something.

On the other hand, my husband had a level of 8.1 two hours after the evening meal, which could indicate that he's diabetic. He's got tons of the other symptoms as well and has been going to the doctors with random health complaints for months and each of them is on the list of symptoms!

The kick counting is going well and baby is remaining active, thankfully. I'd go insane if this baby was a calm one! A girl who was having her glucose tolerance test at the same time as me said that she was 28 weeks and she only ever felt flutters now and again. I'd go crackers!!

25 weeks 2 days

Well, we made progress with the flat pack today. I fit the rails inside the wardrobes and built a bedside cabinet. We've just the remaining cabinet and the bed to put up tomorrow.

Dear Lord, that's boring!

I watched an episode of Supernanny today that i'd plussed from the other night. It was quite sad really because the daughter in question was nine years old and she was being treated like a baby. Her mum did everything for her and it had turned the poor girl into a monster who tantrumed all the time. When they interviewed the mum it came out that she'd had a son previously who passed away when he was 23 months old. It looked like he had Down Syndrome from the pictures, so i am guessing it was something to do with that. It was really sad. It made me think firstly that it's wierd that i should see something to do with Down Syndrome the third day after the 31 for 21 campaign, and wonder if it does crop up in life more often, but i don't often notice. The next thing i though was that i really hope that loosing children doesn't make us more prone to spoil any that we are lucky enough to get to keep. I don't want to create a monster, but i can see that i would just be so eternally grateful that i have a child there at all, that it might end up having a negative effect on my parenting. I really, really hope not!

25 weeks 1 day

I'm going to be blogging in support of Down Syndrome Awareness month for the whole of October. The 31 for 21 campaign is about bloggers making sure they blog for each day of October. I probably won't have much to say about Down Syndrome myself, because i am still learning, but i wanted to do this in support of my friend Laurie and her gorgeous little baby boy Dylan who has Down Syndrome. Click on the graphic above to learn more.

So today we were at the diabetic clinic learning about how to monitor and control my blood sugars. I've got a machine for testing my blood four times per day and a little book for keeping a record. I was pleased because although i eat a lot of sweets i am not too bad and i don't have to make too many adjustments. The main things i need to do are change to eating brown bread instead of white, cut out jelly sweets and the like and also change to sweeteners in my tea instead of sugar. It was really interesting to learn about low and high GI (glycaemic index) foods and how they affect my body's ability to digest sugars. It's certainly good stuff to know, even without the gestational diabetes!

The best news is that i can still eat chocolate! It's a medium GI food, so i can still have it in moderation. :o)

Our new wardrobes are almost finished. My husband spend a good few hours putting the flat pack together today and i felt a bit like a spare part cause i couldn't do anything. I took him light parts and held stuff, but i was pretty useless really. The wardrobes look fab though! I can't wait until the bed and bedside cabinets are up cause it's going to look so much better. Then i can get to nesting and putting stuff neatly away in the wardrobes. LOL!

Tomorrow i need to go to the doctors to get some more pots of little blood collecting tags for my sugar measuring machine. I can't forget!!

25 weeks

Well, i've finally finished work. It was my last day yesterday and my colleagues got me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers and i little miniature Radley handbag keyring. I cried a little bit, but i'm really not sorry i've gone. I haven't enjoyed work since i found out about this baby unfortunately. You might have guessed that already! LOL!

Some more good news is that our scan with the Fetal Specialist yesterday was really positive! The baby looks really healthy and fluid levels are normal. His/her heart is functioning right and everything is as it should be. The specialist measure where my placenta is and it's now about 8cm away from the cervix, which means that it's moved a whole 7cm at least since 20 weeks! I was also scanned transvaginally to with the colour doppler to check for blood vessels around the membranes near my cervix and there were none there at all. We are a very relieved and pleased mum and dad!!

I know that we already had scans early on to check for risk factors with Vasa Praevia, but it's extra reassuring to be checked over again and told that we're good.

The only negative is that i tested borderline for gestational diabetes. I guess it's a good job i asked to be tested early! My result was 7.8 and they monitor everyone with a result of 7.8 and above. I am going to the diabetic clinic tomorrow at 10.30 to learn how to monitor my blood sugar and control it with diet and excersise.

Another milestone has been passed because with me now being 25 weeks pregnant i have got past the point at which we lost our daughter to stillbirth. She was 24 weeks 6 days. I know that doesn't mean that we're 'safe' by a long chalk, but it does mean a small mental victory for me.

I started doing kick counting this past week as well and that's going great. The baby usually takes about 10 to 15 minutes to reach his/her 10 kicks, but last night s/he must have been on a high too cause we got there in less than 2 minutes! It was a right party in my belly!!! :o)