I'm going crackers! I don't know what it is, but i've been getting obsessed with being a property developer and buying us a new house on the new estate near where we live. This is all fine, but for starters there's no way we can afford the house that i want and there's nowhere for me to get the capital from to begin property development!
If i analyse myself i guess it stems from not being at work for so long - like my mind is reaching for something to do. Researching properties to develop and how to start up doing it and looking at houses for sale is occupying my time. Fine. I guess the reason i want to move us into a bigger house could be something to do with my nesting instinct. I can't get to nest at home because we're in the middle of having the bathrooom done, which means that i can't get to anything to do any nesting until it's finished. So it's like i'm looking outside the home to get ready for baby...
Now, i do have logical reasons for my dreaming of these things too. Firstly, i need money to buy the dream house... about £90-100K would enable us to remain on the same mortgage we are on now, but living in the dreamhouse. There's no way on this earth that we could afford to buy that house, live in it and pay the mortgage if we had to borrow the extra £100K we need. Not even if i was working full time, which i won't be doing for the next year while the baby is little.
To make this money i could try developing a property or two... I really, really think i could do it! I am PRINCE2 qualified, which is a project management qualification. Now, i've touched on using it at work, but not properly. I want to really get my teeth into it and use what i learned to my advantage. I could use the time i'm going to be off work next year to try my first development and see how it goes for me, while still being able to go back to work at the end of it all if it doesn't work out. Fortunately i know someone trustworthy that could advise me on what would need doing to a property and how much it should cost. Then, because he's mega busy and probably wouldn't be able to actually do the work at least he could recommend someone or at the least i'd know from his recommendations what things should cost and not be ripped off.
I've seen the perfect starter development too. I know the market i would aim it at, the approximate budget i would have to spend and a rough idea of the value post renovation. I've even looked at the floor plans and rejigged everything in my mind.
The only problem is that i don't have any money with which to do this. Banks won't even lend 100% of the value of a property, nevermind 100% and then some on top to develop! And we don't have a spare £100K laying around. I know you have to have money to make money and that just makes me sulk. I can do this!
I get that feeling that i will look back in a few years time when i no longer have the opportunity to do this and be kicking myself for not just doing it. I wish i were more brave!
So yeah, my minds been occupied with dreams of things i'll likely not be able to do. It makes me sulk that i don't just have money to invest in stuff like this. I was watching Homes Under The Hammer the other day (which is probably not helping to put me off this) and there was a couple that had won £2.6 million on the Lottery. When they'd quit their jobs for a while and been on loads of holidays they decided that they needed something to focus on, so they went into property development. I was so jealous! Not of their lottery win, but more that they were able to do something that they really enjoyed doing without the crippling worry that one false move could cost them their home or whatever.
Friday, 28 November 2008
Thursday, 27 November 2008
33 weeks 1 day
Me and the other half went for a scan today to check the baby's growth. It's still growing well and the weight was estimated at about 5.3lbs already! There was a problem with the fluid levels in that they are low. They're on the 5th centile, which is still within normal range, but low. The consultant said that if it was anyone else they probably would just leave me for two weeks until my next scan, but because it's me they are going to scan me in a week and check up on it. I came home and researched it and basically i just need to keep myself hydrated. The consultant said it could just be that the baby hasn't had a wee for a while. LOL!
I have only gained 200g since my last appointment, making my total weight gain just over 13lbs. Although, according to my maternity notes i've only gained almost 4kg. I know that's not true though cause the scales were well out on my first weigh in! I weighed 70kg, which was far too much compared to both scales we have at home. The midwife did say that they are sometimes out because they get kids coming and jumping up and down on them!
So, just trying not to worry about that fluid level. Everything else was good. Sugars were fine and i was told to continue as i am. They did tell me off cause i had a spike in my sugars. I explained that it was because i retested myself for gestational diabetes using the NHS guidelines and they laughed at me. I know i'm a geek! The husband said "that's what you end up doing when you're at home all day long!"
We're in the middle of getting our bathroom done at the moment and MFI have gone into administration. I wouldn't mind, but because of this the supplier is refusing to replace the sink (cracked) and i have to try to get a refund from MFI who are unreachable at the moment because every man and their dog is trying to contact them for the same or similar things! Thankfully because we bought it on our VISA card we are covered for buying the replacement. Right now i'm waiting to hear back from the supplier with a price for just buying a replacement direct from them and then sorting it out with MFI afterwards. Never mind the fact they're the suppliers, so it's THEIR sink that THEY cracked. ::big eye roll:: I could just do without this, you know.
I have only gained 200g since my last appointment, making my total weight gain just over 13lbs. Although, according to my maternity notes i've only gained almost 4kg. I know that's not true though cause the scales were well out on my first weigh in! I weighed 70kg, which was far too much compared to both scales we have at home. The midwife did say that they are sometimes out because they get kids coming and jumping up and down on them!
So, just trying not to worry about that fluid level. Everything else was good. Sugars were fine and i was told to continue as i am. They did tell me off cause i had a spike in my sugars. I explained that it was because i retested myself for gestational diabetes using the NHS guidelines and they laughed at me. I know i'm a geek! The husband said "that's what you end up doing when you're at home all day long!"
We're in the middle of getting our bathroom done at the moment and MFI have gone into administration. I wouldn't mind, but because of this the supplier is refusing to replace the sink (cracked) and i have to try to get a refund from MFI who are unreachable at the moment because every man and their dog is trying to contact them for the same or similar things! Thankfully because we bought it on our VISA card we are covered for buying the replacement. Right now i'm waiting to hear back from the supplier with a price for just buying a replacement direct from them and then sorting it out with MFI afterwards. Never mind the fact they're the suppliers, so it's THEIR sink that THEY cracked. ::big eye roll:: I could just do without this, you know.
Monday, 24 November 2008
32 weeks 5 days
I got some maternity photos taken on Saturday and they turned out brilliant!! I love them! It's made me want a studio though so i can take some studio shots too. Seriously i really need to convert our garage or something.
The baby is being a little quiet this morning and i'm having some braxton hicks contractions. I'm still getting the odd nudge though, so i'm not too worried. Still considering going to the hospital like, but i'll see how we go for the rest of this morning. S/he may just be asleep and i am getting the occasional poke.
My head is well and truely done right in by having the bathroom refurb'ed. I am sick to death of feeling like i can't go to the toilet because there's no door on and the tiler is in there working. There's dust everywhere and i can't get anywhere to clean or do any sorting. I want to get to the nursery, but it's inaccessible, all the stuff from the bathroom is piled up in there and there's a layer of dust all over the baby's things. ARGH!! I am still glad we got this done before the baby arrives though. I can't imagine coping with this with a baby in the house!
I've got a growth scan on Thursday and a diabetic appointment, which i'm looking forward to. Apart from a blow out yesterday at the in laws for Sunday dinner, i've been very, very good with my diet, so my sugars have been low.
My weight gain so far has been 13.5lbs.
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
31 weeks 6 days
I have nested today! I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom and sorted out all the drawers and cupboards. I moved everything out of all the cupboards and containers within cupboards and made sure things were stored correctly - curtain hooks in one tin, nails and screws in another, bumbs and batteries in another. I adjusted the shelf heights in the cupboards so that i could get best use out of the space and made sure that all the things we access most frequently are within easiest reach.
I went through all the food and threw out everything out of date and did the same with the medicines. All of the cupboards etc. got disinfected and everything was put back.
I feel so great about it! Sooooo satisfying!
Now i just need to get my hands on the nursery, but it is looking like it will be a couple of weeks before i can get in there with the bathroom being finished and everything.
I went through all the food and threw out everything out of date and did the same with the medicines. All of the cupboards etc. got disinfected and everything was put back.
I feel so great about it! Sooooo satisfying!
Now i just need to get my hands on the nursery, but it is looking like it will be a couple of weeks before i can get in there with the bathroom being finished and everything.
Saturday, 15 November 2008
31 weeks 3 days
I'm going into town this evening! An old friend is visiting from down South, so there are a few of us going out. I'm really looking forward to it and hope that i can stay out for a while!
Just thinking about what to have for tea... Maybe beans on brown toast... There's nothing in to cook and i can't really have a pizza or anything like that. I need low carb, no sugar, high protein goodness! Oh, i forgot to mention yesterday that i only put 600g on in two weeks since my last diabetic clinic appointment! Yeah!! That means that i've put less than a stone on throughout the whole pregnancy. So as annoyingly depressing and miserable this diabetic diet is making me, at least it's stopping me from piling on the pounds.
What else can i say... The baby is moving fine and has hiccups three or four times per day, which means that s/he takes after his/her dad who has them all the time. It's head down again at the moment, so the kicks are more familiar to me than they were last weekend when they'd slowed down.
That's it! Nothing else to report. :o)
Just thinking about what to have for tea... Maybe beans on brown toast... There's nothing in to cook and i can't really have a pizza or anything like that. I need low carb, no sugar, high protein goodness! Oh, i forgot to mention yesterday that i only put 600g on in two weeks since my last diabetic clinic appointment! Yeah!! That means that i've put less than a stone on throughout the whole pregnancy. So as annoyingly depressing and miserable this diabetic diet is making me, at least it's stopping me from piling on the pounds.
What else can i say... The baby is moving fine and has hiccups three or four times per day, which means that s/he takes after his/her dad who has them all the time. It's head down again at the moment, so the kicks are more familiar to me than they were last weekend when they'd slowed down.
That's it! Nothing else to report. :o)
Friday, 14 November 2008
31 weeks 2 days
I went to the diabetic clinic yesterday. Everything checked out fine and they're happy with my blood sugars. I asked about my eating chocolate. I have been eating it because they told me i was borderline and if it wasn't for my history they wouldn't have even monitored me. Plus, i have been eating a vastly reduced amount of sweet stuff compared to what i would normally eat.
Anyway, the nurse told me that i shouldn't be telling her that. Ha ha! i explained my reasoning for thinking it was okay to eat and said that i'd rather mention it and be truthful if there's a chance it's not doing good. She explained that although my sugar levels are evidently good, any sugar i eat will simply cross the placenta and make the baby put weight on, so no, i shouldn't be eating it.
That sucks.
Supermarket shopping makes me miserable cause i just spend ages picking up things i know i can't eat, but i;m hoping that by some miracle they will be low in sugar and i can have them. Well, nothing ever is! All the good stuff has sugar in it. Either actual sugar or hidden in carbs. You never notice just how much sugar you're consuming until you're told you can't have it!
So, yeah, that's making me morngey. Trying to remember that it's all good for the baby though. I only have a maximum of 8 weeks left, so it isn't long to go and i should try not to let the fact that i can't eat what i like over Christmas piss me off too much. LOL!
For the baby, for the baby, for the baby...
Anyway, the nurse told me that i shouldn't be telling her that. Ha ha! i explained my reasoning for thinking it was okay to eat and said that i'd rather mention it and be truthful if there's a chance it's not doing good. She explained that although my sugar levels are evidently good, any sugar i eat will simply cross the placenta and make the baby put weight on, so no, i shouldn't be eating it.
That sucks.
Supermarket shopping makes me miserable cause i just spend ages picking up things i know i can't eat, but i;m hoping that by some miracle they will be low in sugar and i can have them. Well, nothing ever is! All the good stuff has sugar in it. Either actual sugar or hidden in carbs. You never notice just how much sugar you're consuming until you're told you can't have it!
So, yeah, that's making me morngey. Trying to remember that it's all good for the baby though. I only have a maximum of 8 weeks left, so it isn't long to go and i should try not to let the fact that i can't eat what i like over Christmas piss me off too much. LOL!
For the baby, for the baby, for the baby...
Monday, 10 November 2008
30 weeks 5 days
I went into the hospital today to get a trace done. The baby is absolutely fine and the trace looked great apparently.
I'd been worried because the baby didn't seem to be moving as vigorously as usual. About a week ago it was making huge movements and kicking all over, but then it slowed right down to more pokes and prods. I wasn't REALLY worried because it was still moving and often. Plus, i had heard the heartbeat every day with my doppler. It's just that i knew i would feel reassured if i went for the trace, and i also got to thinking that if anything did happen, i would blame myself for not going in when i'd considered it.
It's just so hard to rely on my intuition. All the books and websites i read tell you that you should listen to your intuition and if you feel that something is "not quite right" you should take heed and get seen. Mine is broken! I always feel like something is "not quite right" and if i took myself off to the midwife or hospital every time i felt like something was wrong i'd go every day almost. I'm not exaggerating. I remember having a conversation with one of my friends and she was so sorry for me when i told her that there isn't a day goes by that i don't convince myself that the baby has died. I suppose that's just normal for me, so i forget how pitiful that must sound to anyone else. It's a wonder my blood pressure isn't a lot higher!!
So, yeah. As soon as i got on the monitor for the trace the baby started kicking up a RIGHT commotion. S/he was all over the place. Moving like i haven't felt it move in ages. It was very reassuring, but annoying too. I felt a bit silly afterwards because it wasn't just a little bit of movment. It was literally going crackers in there! Now though, it's gone back to how it was before! There was a bit of a mini commotion earlier when i was eating my lunch, but now it's gone back to being lazy again. Sods law.
They were really very nice at the hospital and didn't make me feel like i'd wasted their time or anything. The midwife and doctor i saw were encouraging and asked me to go in again if i did notice anything different again. If only my intuition wasn't broken huh!
Oh, also i'd been wondering about whether i should try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) this time. I didn't think i even had the option, but i stumbled across the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists website and their guidelines say a VBAC after 2 caesareans is possible and in some respects safer than a repeat section. I was so confused! I've spent a good few days researching about it and asking various people and I've been emailing back and forth with a really helpful, lovely doula. I spoke to the doctor i saw today and she said that although it is possible, the nature of my previous pregnancies and the various risk factors involved means that she would recommend that i have a repeat elective caesarean section this time. She just said that they wouldn't induce me and because i have two scars and one of them is higher on my uterus with my second baby being only 25 weeks when she was delivered, i'm not a good candidate. I think maybe if i hadn't had everything go wrong the last couple of times i would perhaps try to get a VBAC, but truth be told, i was just grateful to be told "No, that's not recommended" so that i can move on and not have to think about it anymore.
I'd been worried because the baby didn't seem to be moving as vigorously as usual. About a week ago it was making huge movements and kicking all over, but then it slowed right down to more pokes and prods. I wasn't REALLY worried because it was still moving and often. Plus, i had heard the heartbeat every day with my doppler. It's just that i knew i would feel reassured if i went for the trace, and i also got to thinking that if anything did happen, i would blame myself for not going in when i'd considered it.
It's just so hard to rely on my intuition. All the books and websites i read tell you that you should listen to your intuition and if you feel that something is "not quite right" you should take heed and get seen. Mine is broken! I always feel like something is "not quite right" and if i took myself off to the midwife or hospital every time i felt like something was wrong i'd go every day almost. I'm not exaggerating. I remember having a conversation with one of my friends and she was so sorry for me when i told her that there isn't a day goes by that i don't convince myself that the baby has died. I suppose that's just normal for me, so i forget how pitiful that must sound to anyone else. It's a wonder my blood pressure isn't a lot higher!!
So, yeah. As soon as i got on the monitor for the trace the baby started kicking up a RIGHT commotion. S/he was all over the place. Moving like i haven't felt it move in ages. It was very reassuring, but annoying too. I felt a bit silly afterwards because it wasn't just a little bit of movment. It was literally going crackers in there! Now though, it's gone back to how it was before! There was a bit of a mini commotion earlier when i was eating my lunch, but now it's gone back to being lazy again. Sods law.
They were really very nice at the hospital and didn't make me feel like i'd wasted their time or anything. The midwife and doctor i saw were encouraging and asked me to go in again if i did notice anything different again. If only my intuition wasn't broken huh!
Oh, also i'd been wondering about whether i should try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) this time. I didn't think i even had the option, but i stumbled across the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists website and their guidelines say a VBAC after 2 caesareans is possible and in some respects safer than a repeat section. I was so confused! I've spent a good few days researching about it and asking various people and I've been emailing back and forth with a really helpful, lovely doula. I spoke to the doctor i saw today and she said that although it is possible, the nature of my previous pregnancies and the various risk factors involved means that she would recommend that i have a repeat elective caesarean section this time. She just said that they wouldn't induce me and because i have two scars and one of them is higher on my uterus with my second baby being only 25 weeks when she was delivered, i'm not a good candidate. I think maybe if i hadn't had everything go wrong the last couple of times i would perhaps try to get a VBAC, but truth be told, i was just grateful to be told "No, that's not recommended" so that i can move on and not have to think about it anymore.
Thursday, 6 November 2008
30 weeks 1 day
I've turned the 30 week corner! Three quarters of the way there! This means that i only have ten weeks left at the absolute most, but it is more likely to be 8 or 9. It's a weird feeling. I have been trying not to mentally rush through this and to enjoy each day as it comes, but it's really hard sometimes. Now i'm over 30 weeks and it seems to have gone by so fast! It doesn't seem two minutes since i was turning 25 weeks and remarking on how it was a milestone for me. Now i only have to do that same period of time again twice (almost) and i'm done!
I let myself have a little daydream today. I was thinking about sending a birth announcement to the vicar who did our sons and daughters funerals and writing a letter telling him that we would like to get this little one Christened by him in the summer. It was a nice daydream and i didn't think any negative thoughts really at all. Of course there's always the subconscious insertion of "hopefully" and "if we're lucky" before and after everything i think, do or say relating to this baby, but that's par for the course!
We have a boys name that we both really, really like. It's a bit different, which is why we're glad we won't be announcing it until after the baby is here. It's actually both a boys and girls name, so we could use it for either, which is great because we really do like it a lot. Our girls name that we had before is still nice, but this one is too. I guess it's good that we'll have a couple to pick from once we see him/her in the flesh. I still think it's a boy though.
It's weird because at the 20 week scan i thought it was a girl and my husband thought it was a boy. I thought that on the couple of between the leg shots i didn't see anything, but then i watched the video more clearly and the angle was all wrong, the legs were closed, so of course you didn't see anything, it was just the tops of the thighs. Then at this last scan the trainee technician asked her trainer if she should photograph "this bit" and on the screen was a mass of legs and what looked like a willy and little baby balls. So, that just confused me! I spoke to Scott about it and he thought that from that scan it looked like a girl!! Ha ha! So, the long and the short of it is that neither of us has any clue what so ever, which is GREAT! I am loving it being a surprise and i can't wait until my husband tells me in the delivery room.
That's the best daydream i have and i've been having it for ages now. It's one of the few i allow. LOL! I am on the table having my c-section and they pull the baby out and show the parts to my husband. He then tells me the sex of the baby and i most likely ask "Is s/he okay?" about a million times!
It's nice to have that. I suppose this is what hope feels like, and why it's such a nice thing. I may never ever get to experience anything like that ever in my life, but right now, in this moment. Just thinking about it and hoping that it might come true is lovely.
I let myself have a little daydream today. I was thinking about sending a birth announcement to the vicar who did our sons and daughters funerals and writing a letter telling him that we would like to get this little one Christened by him in the summer. It was a nice daydream and i didn't think any negative thoughts really at all. Of course there's always the subconscious insertion of "hopefully" and "if we're lucky" before and after everything i think, do or say relating to this baby, but that's par for the course!
We have a boys name that we both really, really like. It's a bit different, which is why we're glad we won't be announcing it until after the baby is here. It's actually both a boys and girls name, so we could use it for either, which is great because we really do like it a lot. Our girls name that we had before is still nice, but this one is too. I guess it's good that we'll have a couple to pick from once we see him/her in the flesh. I still think it's a boy though.
It's weird because at the 20 week scan i thought it was a girl and my husband thought it was a boy. I thought that on the couple of between the leg shots i didn't see anything, but then i watched the video more clearly and the angle was all wrong, the legs were closed, so of course you didn't see anything, it was just the tops of the thighs. Then at this last scan the trainee technician asked her trainer if she should photograph "this bit" and on the screen was a mass of legs and what looked like a willy and little baby balls. So, that just confused me! I spoke to Scott about it and he thought that from that scan it looked like a girl!! Ha ha! So, the long and the short of it is that neither of us has any clue what so ever, which is GREAT! I am loving it being a surprise and i can't wait until my husband tells me in the delivery room.
That's the best daydream i have and i've been having it for ages now. It's one of the few i allow. LOL! I am on the table having my c-section and they pull the baby out and show the parts to my husband. He then tells me the sex of the baby and i most likely ask "Is s/he okay?" about a million times!
It's nice to have that. I suppose this is what hope feels like, and why it's such a nice thing. I may never ever get to experience anything like that ever in my life, but right now, in this moment. Just thinking about it and hoping that it might come true is lovely.
Friday, 31 October 2008
29 weeks 2 days
Today marks the last day of the 31 for 21 Down Syndrome Awareness blogging thing. I know i haven't wrote about Down Syndrome really, but i am hoping that at least my efforts to join in and make sure i post every day show support to the cause.
Love to Dylan. xx
Love to Dylan. xx
Thursday, 30 October 2008
29 weeks 1 day
Oh my, i have been feeling blue today. Not really down, and not about anything in particular, but just blue. You know you have those days where you just feel a little low.
Then i went and watched The Colour Purple. WHY? My mind was too fragile to be watching that film! I was crying and crying and crying. My face looked like the back end of a babboon in heat by the time i'd finished!! I planned to go to the supermarket afterwards, but had to wait about an hour and a half for the swelling to go down.
Bloody hormones!!
Then i went and watched The Colour Purple. WHY? My mind was too fragile to be watching that film! I was crying and crying and crying. My face looked like the back end of a babboon in heat by the time i'd finished!! I planned to go to the supermarket afterwards, but had to wait about an hour and a half for the swelling to go down.
Bloody hormones!!
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
29 weeks
I can't believe i am 29 weeks pregnant! In some ways i feel more pregnant than that and in some ways far less. It's very odd. There's no mistaking my belly and my line has made a reappearance (linea nigra).
I'm not getting great sleep on a night though. Last night i was awake even more than the previous night. I wake up to turn over, get another pillow, loose the pillow, take some Rennies, have a drink or go to the loo. LOL! It's a bloody good job i'm at home all day to catch up on sleep!!
I've not been having many bad thoughts recently - hope i haven't 'spoke' too soon about that. I definitely think that getting the dates of my losses out of the way has helped a lot. It's not that i don't think about it now, but more like i don't dwell on it if you know what i mean.
My blood sugars are still great, but being diabetic still sucks badgers balls. I really, really, really hope i don't get type 2 later on cause it's CRAP! And i'm only borderline so i can still eat some bad stuff.
I'm not getting great sleep on a night though. Last night i was awake even more than the previous night. I wake up to turn over, get another pillow, loose the pillow, take some Rennies, have a drink or go to the loo. LOL! It's a bloody good job i'm at home all day to catch up on sleep!!
I've not been having many bad thoughts recently - hope i haven't 'spoke' too soon about that. I definitely think that getting the dates of my losses out of the way has helped a lot. It's not that i don't think about it now, but more like i don't dwell on it if you know what i mean.
My blood sugars are still great, but being diabetic still sucks badgers balls. I really, really, really hope i don't get type 2 later on cause it's CRAP! And i'm only borderline so i can still eat some bad stuff.
Tuesday, 28 October 2008
28 weeks 6 days
Urgh! I have a headache today. :o( I kept waking up every hour from about 2am with a really dry mouth and a banging head. When i got up for good at 7am it was still there. I had a cup of tea and it didn't go, so i had a full-caff coffee and it didn't go. So... i took two paracetamol's. I feel a bit guilty, but i know that i will be fine otherwise i wouldn't have risked it just for a headache. They made me feel better too, which was great. Still not 100% though.
I was supposed to go on a day trip with friends today, but i had to cancel. Hopefully i won't feel the same tomorrow and i'll be able to go then.
The shower hasn't been reconnected after we had our new boiler fitted so i can't rinse my hair. I have to wash it and put conditioner on and then rush to mum and dads to rinse. It's a pain in the arse. My hair is really greasy right now, but my head hurts too much to wash it. But, if i'm going out tomorrow i can't leave the house with it in this state. So i'm going to have to wash it tonight and go to mum and dads to rinse. Oh the trials and tribulations!!
I was supposed to go on a day trip with friends today, but i had to cancel. Hopefully i won't feel the same tomorrow and i'll be able to go then.
The shower hasn't been reconnected after we had our new boiler fitted so i can't rinse my hair. I have to wash it and put conditioner on and then rush to mum and dads to rinse. It's a pain in the arse. My hair is really greasy right now, but my head hurts too much to wash it. But, if i'm going out tomorrow i can't leave the house with it in this state. So i'm going to have to wash it tonight and go to mum and dads to rinse. Oh the trials and tribulations!!
Monday, 27 October 2008
28 weeks 5 days
My pubic bone is hurting more. It clicks a lot, especially in a morning. It's not too painful yet though - not PSD painful.
We bumped into an old friend today in town. It was nice to see him again and i hope he calls round for a brew at some point. It always leaves me feeling guilty when we see old friends though, because i never feel like we did enough to stay in touch with them. I know we all have our lives that have moved on, but it's such a shame cause we were all so close with each other.
I said to my fella though that it must be something to do with our losses. Usually a couple would get pregnant and slow down socially while pregnant and then for a few months after the birth, but then they would get back into the swing of going out again and seeing people. We have had three years of being pregnant followed by grieving followed by being pregnant followed by grieving followed by being pregnant.
Plus, i suppose we've all changed. Some of us have families and some are still doing what we were doing before we decided to have a family. I guess, too, that it's not just up to me to contact our friends, but they could have contacted us too. Perhaps they have guilt trips too. LOL!
We bumped into an old friend today in town. It was nice to see him again and i hope he calls round for a brew at some point. It always leaves me feeling guilty when we see old friends though, because i never feel like we did enough to stay in touch with them. I know we all have our lives that have moved on, but it's such a shame cause we were all so close with each other.
I said to my fella though that it must be something to do with our losses. Usually a couple would get pregnant and slow down socially while pregnant and then for a few months after the birth, but then they would get back into the swing of going out again and seeing people. We have had three years of being pregnant followed by grieving followed by being pregnant followed by grieving followed by being pregnant.
Plus, i suppose we've all changed. Some of us have families and some are still doing what we were doing before we decided to have a family. I guess, too, that it's not just up to me to contact our friends, but they could have contacted us too. Perhaps they have guilt trips too. LOL!
Sunday, 26 October 2008
28 weeks 4 days
I've been researching the effect of gestational diabetes on lung maturation in the fetus. It seems that the opinions on that are varied, but it wouldn't hurt to ask for an amniocentesis before they deliver me. I guess i'm going to have to wait as long as i can bear to, in order to ensure the best health for this little one. Some sources say that gestational diabetes slows down lung maturation and whilst usually the lungs mature by 34/35 weeks, in diabetic pregnancies they recommend a wait until 38.5 weeks. I am managing my diabetes well though and my sugars seem fine.
My original consultant talked about delivering after 28 weeks, but i don't have him anymore. I thought at the beginning of this pregnancy that we would take the baby at 35 weeks. Then when i spoke to my consultant that i had in my first trimester she explained that i would be able to deliver at 37 weeks. Now the diabetic consultant stresses how important it is to wait until as close to 39 weeks as we can.
I have mixed feelings about this. Of course the MOST important thing to me is that this baby is living and healthy. I just don't know what to think. Past experience has taught me that my body isn't the healthiest environment for a baby, which means that there is always a part of me every day screaming "get it out now while it's still alive!!" On the other hand, i've been scanned a ton and told by different consultants that this is a low risk, healthy pregnancy. Usually in that case, the best place for baby is inside mum for as long as possible.
My head is in tatters if i dwell too long on the options. If we take the baby too early because i am a paranoid wreck and then something happens because of that i'd never forgive myself. But, what if i choose to carry the baby for longer, thinking i'm doing the right thing and s/he dies before we can make delivery? Urgh! My brain hurts thinking about this, not to mention my heart.
Why do we have to think about things like this? It seems like no one else has to worry about anything more complex than nursery colours and feeding methods. I'll say it again for the umpteenth time, and i'm sure it won't be the last - it's not fair.
My original consultant talked about delivering after 28 weeks, but i don't have him anymore. I thought at the beginning of this pregnancy that we would take the baby at 35 weeks. Then when i spoke to my consultant that i had in my first trimester she explained that i would be able to deliver at 37 weeks. Now the diabetic consultant stresses how important it is to wait until as close to 39 weeks as we can.
I have mixed feelings about this. Of course the MOST important thing to me is that this baby is living and healthy. I just don't know what to think. Past experience has taught me that my body isn't the healthiest environment for a baby, which means that there is always a part of me every day screaming "get it out now while it's still alive!!" On the other hand, i've been scanned a ton and told by different consultants that this is a low risk, healthy pregnancy. Usually in that case, the best place for baby is inside mum for as long as possible.
My head is in tatters if i dwell too long on the options. If we take the baby too early because i am a paranoid wreck and then something happens because of that i'd never forgive myself. But, what if i choose to carry the baby for longer, thinking i'm doing the right thing and s/he dies before we can make delivery? Urgh! My brain hurts thinking about this, not to mention my heart.
Why do we have to think about things like this? It seems like no one else has to worry about anything more complex than nursery colours and feeding methods. I'll say it again for the umpteenth time, and i'm sure it won't be the last - it's not fair.
Saturday, 25 October 2008
28 weeks 3 days
I'm all excited because i'm going to Tropical World next week. My friend and her two kids are coming with me too so it should be nice. It's a really great place!!
Baby is fine. Been moderately busy today, which is cool.
We went to see Ghost Town last night at the cinema and it was hilarious!! Ricky Gervais was brilliant in it and we were all laughing out loud in the cinema. Great filum.
Baby is fine. Been moderately busy today, which is cool.
We went to see Ghost Town last night at the cinema and it was hilarious!! Ricky Gervais was brilliant in it and we were all laughing out loud in the cinema. Great filum.
Friday, 24 October 2008
28 weeks 2 days
Life is so incredibly unfair. Today was the day my sister in law and her husband found out that their one shot chance at IVF had not worked. They transferred the only two embryos that took two weeks ago, so they don't have anything left over and frozen to do a second cycle with. They can't afford to pay for another cycle and the shitty NHS won't pay.
This shit sucks.
I am out of words.
This shit sucks.
I am out of words.
Thursday, 23 October 2008
28 weeks 1 day
Our growth scan was great today! The baby is measuring well for dates and i have plenty of fluid going on. The head measurement was bang on average, the thigh bone measurement was bang on average and the abdomen was BIG! LOL! Still well within normal ranges, but it means we're going to be having a tubber. I could have guessed that though cause our first was 8lb 12oz, so not small.
They estimated the baby's weight to be currently at 2lb 12oz. I have put on a couple of kilos since my last appointment 3 weeks ago, but it's still well within the okay range and the midwife said it's probably because the baby has had a growth spurt. I was 73 kilos, which is 11.5 stone. That makes sense cause i had all my clothes and shoes on and when i weigh myself nekkid at home i'm 11 stone 3.
We spoke about delivery and the consultant said that since everything looks great they will play it by ear with my delivery, but would like to see me go to 38 or 39 weeks. She explained that the baby is four times more likely to require ventilation at 37 weeks and this halves by 38 and halves again by 39 weeks. I completely understand that and the last thing i want is for anything to happen to this baby because i was impatient to get it out of me. I want the baby to be able to leave the hospital when i do. I told her that my reasons for wanting to go earlier are completely selfish and i will do whatever is best for this baby.
She did reassure me that i could go in to be put on the monitor anytime i felt i needed or wanted to. They will keep on scanning me and looking at the placenta and if there is any sign of things changing they will be on it right away. She said that they wouldn't sacrifice my mental health for a later delivery either, if i was going insane with the wait. She was nice, but firm. I liked her.
My sugar levels were all fine, blood pressure was low as usual and nothing in my urine.
A success! :o)
Wednesday, 22 October 2008
28 weeks
Third trimester!!!
WOOOOT!!!!
Home run now baby!
I'm going to the hospital tomorrow for a growth scan. Here'[s to hoping that things are still okay.
::crosses everything::
WOOOOT!!!!
Home run now baby!
I'm going to the hospital tomorrow for a growth scan. Here'[s to hoping that things are still okay.
::crosses everything::
28 weeks
Third trimester!!!
WOOOOT!!!!
Home run now baby!
I'm going to the hospital tomorrow for a growth scan. Here'[s to hoping that things are still okay.
::crosses everything::
WOOOOT!!!!
Home run now baby!
I'm going to the hospital tomorrow for a growth scan. Here'[s to hoping that things are still okay.
::crosses everything::
Tuesday, 21 October 2008
27 weeks 6 days
I'm getting backache! I get it when i walk too far and i get it when i sit for too long - i can't win! I've tried sitting with a pillow for lumbar support too, but it's just not working.
The baby's kicks are starting to be a bit painful now too. It's started to push out of both sides of the belly at the same time and is cutting some crazy shapes in there!
Tomorrow i hit the third trimester and the home run. Dear Lord let me make it all the way, please!!!
The baby's kicks are starting to be a bit painful now too. It's started to push out of both sides of the belly at the same time and is cutting some crazy shapes in there!
Tomorrow i hit the third trimester and the home run. Dear Lord let me make it all the way, please!!!
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