25 weeks 5 days

Today i mooned in the face of bad luck!

After looking at bathroom suites on Sunday the hubby and i almost went into the city to shop for babygrows, but he sowed the seed of doubt into my mind with a sharp intake of breath through pursed lips in response to my innocent suggestion.

While i was in town today i called into Woolies and looked a baby stuff. I came out with a pack of plain white vests and some green and brown long sleeved vests as well. To make it doubly plain i was indignant against the forces of bad luck, i took the items out of the packaging and threw out the receipt!!

We needed some stuff for the baby's hospital bag and i needed to buy something, anything. Now it's out of my system.

On the subject of Down Syndrome, i saw a cool graphic today that said "My kid has more chromosomes than yours!"

25 weeks 4 days

I am pretty much alone in this. I mean, i have people who care about me and the baby and i always have those that i can lean on and who will be there for us, but for the most part i am alone with this.

My husband today, in passing, mentioned that he doesn't think he's suffering stress because (amongst other things) he doesn't think about our situation unless i'm there with him. Our parents, although i am undoubtedly sure that they worry an inordinate amount, they're not doing this for us. It's not even my husband who's doing this, it's me. All me.

Everyone else can separate themselves from this at some point during the day. This pregnancy is my whole life. As soon as i wake up i wonder why s/he's not moving because i'm sure that it normally moves on a morning. Then i get up and potter about getting ready and think about last time when i got up and pottered about as normal and the whole time our daughter was dead inside me and i didn't know. My whole day is punctuated with moments of abject misery because i'm convinced that the baby has died, followed by moments of uplifting joy because the baby is moving and for that moment i can be certain that s/he is living. And this is every. single. day.... every day. all day.

Please don't get me wrong and think that i am not acknowledging the feelings of my husband, or our parents. I know for a fact that they each find this hard in their own ways and i know that they have all had difficulties that are certainly not any easier than mine simply because they're not carrying this baby. All i'm saying is that they can step away for even just a moment and think about something else. This baby is inside me and it doesn't let me forget abot how fragile this all is for even a second.

Sometimes i feel like all the emotions in my mind are too much, but i know that no amount of screaming or frantic dancing about would be enough to express or release any of it. So all i have to do is take some time to be calm and acknowledge that there's no point in crying, screaming or raving. If i take a moment it all seems overwhelming for a little while, but then it eases again and fades into the background.

25 weeks 3 days

I think the diabetes thing may have been a fluke... My levels have been pretty low constantly. The only time they were highish was yesterday when i ate a pasty, gingerbread man and a big double chocolate cookie for my lunch, followed by 4 small cookies and a glass of whole milk for a snack. It was 6.6 before my evening meal then, but by 2 hours after my evening meal it was 4 point something.

On the other hand, my husband had a level of 8.1 two hours after the evening meal, which could indicate that he's diabetic. He's got tons of the other symptoms as well and has been going to the doctors with random health complaints for months and each of them is on the list of symptoms!

The kick counting is going well and baby is remaining active, thankfully. I'd go insane if this baby was a calm one! A girl who was having her glucose tolerance test at the same time as me said that she was 28 weeks and she only ever felt flutters now and again. I'd go crackers!!

25 weeks 2 days

Well, we made progress with the flat pack today. I fit the rails inside the wardrobes and built a bedside cabinet. We've just the remaining cabinet and the bed to put up tomorrow.

Dear Lord, that's boring!

I watched an episode of Supernanny today that i'd plussed from the other night. It was quite sad really because the daughter in question was nine years old and she was being treated like a baby. Her mum did everything for her and it had turned the poor girl into a monster who tantrumed all the time. When they interviewed the mum it came out that she'd had a son previously who passed away when he was 23 months old. It looked like he had Down Syndrome from the pictures, so i am guessing it was something to do with that. It was really sad. It made me think firstly that it's wierd that i should see something to do with Down Syndrome the third day after the 31 for 21 campaign, and wonder if it does crop up in life more often, but i don't often notice. The next thing i though was that i really hope that loosing children doesn't make us more prone to spoil any that we are lucky enough to get to keep. I don't want to create a monster, but i can see that i would just be so eternally grateful that i have a child there at all, that it might end up having a negative effect on my parenting. I really, really hope not!

25 weeks 1 day

I'm going to be blogging in support of Down Syndrome Awareness month for the whole of October. The 31 for 21 campaign is about bloggers making sure they blog for each day of October. I probably won't have much to say about Down Syndrome myself, because i am still learning, but i wanted to do this in support of my friend Laurie and her gorgeous little baby boy Dylan who has Down Syndrome. Click on the graphic above to learn more.

So today we were at the diabetic clinic learning about how to monitor and control my blood sugars. I've got a machine for testing my blood four times per day and a little book for keeping a record. I was pleased because although i eat a lot of sweets i am not too bad and i don't have to make too many adjustments. The main things i need to do are change to eating brown bread instead of white, cut out jelly sweets and the like and also change to sweeteners in my tea instead of sugar. It was really interesting to learn about low and high GI (glycaemic index) foods and how they affect my body's ability to digest sugars. It's certainly good stuff to know, even without the gestational diabetes!

The best news is that i can still eat chocolate! It's a medium GI food, so i can still have it in moderation. :o)

Our new wardrobes are almost finished. My husband spend a good few hours putting the flat pack together today and i felt a bit like a spare part cause i couldn't do anything. I took him light parts and held stuff, but i was pretty useless really. The wardrobes look fab though! I can't wait until the bed and bedside cabinets are up cause it's going to look so much better. Then i can get to nesting and putting stuff neatly away in the wardrobes. LOL!

Tomorrow i need to go to the doctors to get some more pots of little blood collecting tags for my sugar measuring machine. I can't forget!!

25 weeks

Well, i've finally finished work. It was my last day yesterday and my colleagues got me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers and i little miniature Radley handbag keyring. I cried a little bit, but i'm really not sorry i've gone. I haven't enjoyed work since i found out about this baby unfortunately. You might have guessed that already! LOL!

Some more good news is that our scan with the Fetal Specialist yesterday was really positive! The baby looks really healthy and fluid levels are normal. His/her heart is functioning right and everything is as it should be. The specialist measure where my placenta is and it's now about 8cm away from the cervix, which means that it's moved a whole 7cm at least since 20 weeks! I was also scanned transvaginally to with the colour doppler to check for blood vessels around the membranes near my cervix and there were none there at all. We are a very relieved and pleased mum and dad!!

I know that we already had scans early on to check for risk factors with Vasa Praevia, but it's extra reassuring to be checked over again and told that we're good.

The only negative is that i tested borderline for gestational diabetes. I guess it's a good job i asked to be tested early! My result was 7.8 and they monitor everyone with a result of 7.8 and above. I am going to the diabetic clinic tomorrow at 10.30 to learn how to monitor my blood sugar and control it with diet and excersise.

Another milestone has been passed because with me now being 25 weeks pregnant i have got past the point at which we lost our daughter to stillbirth. She was 24 weeks 6 days. I know that doesn't mean that we're 'safe' by a long chalk, but it does mean a small mental victory for me.

I started doing kick counting this past week as well and that's going great. The baby usually takes about 10 to 15 minutes to reach his/her 10 kicks, but last night s/he must have been on a high too cause we got there in less than 2 minutes! It was a right party in my belly!!! :o)

24 weeks 4 days

I'm booooooooored!

There's nothing going on on the Internet and there's nothing on the telly. I've eaten loads of pickled onions and drank milk and i've tidied out my wardrobe ready fro my sister to collect it and there's nothing else to doooooooo. Actually, there's probably loads to do, but nothing that i feel like doing.

I could read my book, but i don't fancy it. I could start the quilts i'm making for my friends twins, but it's too late in the day for that. I could do some scrapbooking, but i can't be naffed to make a mess with it. I've already played with the guinea pigs for a while.

Suppose i should get my clothes ready for my penultimate day at work tomorrow. EEEP! I'm so excited about finishing work!!! In the morning i'm going for my glucose tolerance test, so i have to fast from 10pm tonight. Then i'm at work in the afternoon and i have to sort out the files on my computer so that people can find stuff they need once i'm not there anymore. Then Tuesday is my last day, but i'm starting work at 8.30am, leaving at 10am for my fetal specialist appointment and then going back after that for the last couple of hours.

I've been doing research about bedrest and low laying placentas. I need to feel confident that when i see the fetal specialist on Tuesday he is covering all bases and checks me for vasa praevia again as well as checking out my placental position and the growth rate of the baby. I suppose i could write down my list of questions that i have in my head, then that will organise them and i will make sure that i don't miss anything off. Yeah, that's what i'll do. Something constructive!